I had an ex of mine text me " I miss the way we used to be" about a month ago, I couldn't help but laugh. Yep. I've been friends with an ex for seven years or so, six of which I've been in another relationship. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. We had all the same friends, so we ended up at the same social stuff. We started dating because we meant a lot to each other, so even though it didn't work romantically, I didn't want them out of my life entirely. He has that right. Even though she has given him an opening so he can actively get her back by being friends and staying in touch, he still waits for her to give him even more signs (e.g. A year and a half later when one of my roommates moved out my ex actually took over her lease and he officially lived with me and the roommate of mine he was dating and it didn't feel much different than it had the previous two years we had in that apartment. When I moved off campus with two female friends of mine he practically lived with us because he was around so much and I was glad to have him. Do not remain friends with someone who has tried to destroy you in the past; they most likely are planning to do more of the same in the present. I guess I'm saying that I 100% believe that friendship can happen if what you had included friendship, but it's undeniably painful and difficult sometimes. It took a several months and us both finding other people to date but we are still friends! Only when it's with someone I wasn't dating super seriously. Instead of sleeping with an ex, lure them back with No Contact If you’re not familiar with the no contact rule , it’s basically cutting contact with your ex for a period of 1 to 3 months. We knew we were better off as friends, and I guess it's working out for us. A good friend doesn't put friends in an uncomfortable position by demanding they choose between their former friend and them. If you want to get your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back, you shouldn’t be friends with them because it gives them the easiest breakup experience possible. The first trick is to give each partner time to process what their life will look like now that they aren't in a relationship anymore so that there's no danger of "relapsing" or feeling hurt when the other partner starts dating. You clearly value the friendships you have so it's probably a bad idea to take it any further with this guy. And the most recent one is a WIP, and probably the most normal situation. ask him for a meet up, tell him that she still loves him and can’t seem to move on) before he can believe that his ex is open to a reconciliation. Yes once that it worked out well. We have talked a lot through text, on the phone, email, and while on our other dates. ask him for a meet up, tell him that she still loves him and can’t seem to move on) before he can believe that his ex is open to a reconciliation. I mean catching up on facebook or an occasional text isn't what I would call overly intrusive. When my ex broke things off, I wanted desperately to keep him as my boyfriend. So... is this a deal breaker for any of you? It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. " Forgave them because they admitted it was a mistake. 4. There are a couple of different scenarios that can play out when you remain friends with your ex. The best way to move on from a relationship is to unfollow your ex on social … /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. He and my now husband played D&D together. It's not that hard if it wasn't a crappy breakup. Press J to jump to the feed. I also stated that I am still friends with ex's from 15/20 years ago (high school and such). I'm friends with almost all of my exes, but not, like, BFFs. Now i'm best friends with my first ex. But to answer your question, No I haven't been able to become friends with an Ex, its too awkward or I drop them entirely from my life to save myself the awkwardness. The consequences of their decision to break up with you are greatly diminished from what they should be since you want your ex to miss you and want to get back together with you. (The breakup was also actually much gentler than my others with people I've been less close to/respected less. The relationship didn't last very long, maybe 4-5 months and it really wasn't a bad break up at all. Their responses were mostly one-sided. The calls are usually made with fake caller IDs so there’s no chance of them getting traced back to you ever! The second trick is to hang out in a positive group setting to ease back into friendship, avoid awkwardness, and form new memories not in the context of dating. Reddit user sftkp had this question, as she was about to introduce her new man to her group of friends–but her ex was one of the guys in the friend group. Rather than being able to ponder what to do about unfriending their ex after the breakup their ex boyfriend had initiated a preemptive strike and unfriended them first. When assessing whether to be friends with a toxic ex or give them a second chance, remember that true friends do not maliciously harm, exploit or use you. Being friends with an ex also significantly increases your chances of getting your ex back. Before I even get started on how to win your ex back, you have to understand how frustrating this foresight is for us. Forget about emotions: Sometimes people stay friends with their ex for purely pragmatic purposes. I'm casually friends with some other exes, too. Personally I am a little more wary when people treat their exes as poisonous. Nobody can be expected to help you with everything, but real friends are ready to help you when you truly need it. Yeah. Meanwhile, all he wanted was for us to be friends.So I agreed. Yeah. Even though she has given him an opening so he can actively get her back by being friends and staying in touch, he still waits for her to give him even more signs (e.g. If this friend winds up monopolizing time and events normally reserved for SO alone time, I'd be a bit concerned. And he says none of his friends are still friendly with ex's. Having "friend dumped" her ex after he suggested she might like to see her son, the Reddit user confessed he was building a case against her for a "hefty lawsuit". Edit: Also wanted to say that everyone has different deal-breakers though and if this is one of his then you have to decide if giving up these friends would be a deal-breaker for you. This type of reaction can be very stressful; and the fear of falling into the friend zone or this notion of being just friends with someone that you once were intimate with is real. It also depends on the type of friendship. Life is too short to leave negative energy lingering around. Now I just don't even bother. He also has a friends-with-everyone type personality so that probably helped. Maybe they benefit from an ex's money, gifts, food, or power (Mogilski & Welling, 2016). Even if being friends is in the cards for you and your ex (newsflash: it isn’t for everyone), it shouldn’t happen right away, according to Susan J. Elliott, author of the book Getting Past Your Breakup. But i dont understand why this could be such a big deal. As part of our commitment to that mission, the AskWomen subreddit is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions, and not serve as a debate subreddit. Yeah. It's a tough call and honestly each case is unique. Meh, I would think it depends on how friendly the friendship is. There is no time limit on how long it takes to get your ex back. The biggest reason that this is true is the fact that you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back. This means that you’re not ready to let them go because you subconsciously think that you still belong together and that you can work things out. We moved away and he kept up with my brother-in-law. We were friends for about three years. Does he mean they are exes because they are terrible people (in which case, why on earth was he dating them before?). If you feel like having them on social media doe not affect your emotional well being, or at least it doesn’t have a negative effect on it, then by all means, keep him on. If the relationship with the ex's are respectful friendships then it shouldn't be a problem. Catching up with an ex in a group setting every once in a while or being Facebook friends is nothing. There's no across the board judgement here. More skewed towards the not friends but I've always wondered if this is because posters in here tend to be fairly young. Friends with several of them. WHen your bf says "they are ex's for a reason", what kind of reason does he mean? Even if you and your ex had a messy break up, there's almost always a point in time where you miss them, even if it's just for a minute. I'm friends with all of my exes except one, and that's because he moved out of the continent. It is very easy to slide back into those feelings until they're gone, and no matter how mutual your break up, being friends with an open wound will lead to feelings, resentment, jealousy, and all around misery. References Carnell, S. (2012, May 14). Sussman says exes who have kids together should try to remain on good terms if possible, since they’ll be in each other’s lives for the long run. Toxic Friends Don’t Keep In Touch. When to stay friends with an ex. But like what if she's texting or messaging that guy every night and just chatting away for hours? I was at his wedding and I probably talk to his wife more than him. I also feel weird that he says it's pretty much unheard of. For them, speaking what they believe in, on your face isn’t a hard task. After a breakup at first glance, staying friends with your ex in order to avoid tension and disagreements would appear logical. That said, some wounds can be too hard to repair. Welcome to the Chances of Getting Your Ex Back Quiz. Doing no contact is important for a couple of reasons. Just like you have the right to continue to be friends with your ex's. Press J to jump to the feed. For Joy Smith, 37, becoming friends with Joe, her ex of eight years, was similarly fraught. My boyfriend and I went to his parents' house for the 4th of July the past two years and had a blast. Waking up from a dream about an ex can be jarring. Here’s a tricky question for anyone to answer – can being friends with your ex mean that you will get back together with them eventually? Not to sound like I'm bragging but every single time I've tried to stay friends they always end up trying to make a move and get back together, which I suspect was their goal when agreeing to be friends in the first place (and I'm sure they've gone off whined about how I "friendzoned" them afterwards). Being Friends with an Ex. One of my best friends is an ex - we talk on chat or by text probably 2-3 times a week, and we play D&D and LoL over voicechat or videochat together, with other friends from college and with my boyfriend. A lot of people won't be. Even if you can imagine him finding happiness with another person without feeling that pang of hurt in your heart (or vice versa), it's uncomfortable to be in a relationship where your SO is still good friends with an ex. In this article, I’m going to give you a 5 step plan that will teach you how to win back your ex by magnetically drawing him back in – and keeping him there once he’s back. It is possible, and I know this from personal experience, to maintain a friendship with your ex-partner. I think that was key to our ability to be friends now. More than 1/3 of couples who live together and 1/4 of married couples have broken up at one point or another. To get your ex back and keep him for good – that takes a little bit more. If You're Getting Mixed Messages After A Breakup And Are Wondering If There's A Chance You'll Be Together Again, Here Are 7 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You And Will Eventually Come Back. 9 9. Being friends with your ex-boyfriend can work well if you’re clear about your boundaries and take it slow. I mean I'm friends with dudes I dated in high school. He was a close friend of all of ours and about 9 months after he and I had broken up he developed feelings for one of my roommates and they started dating. Not super close but we still talk sometimes and I like and am good friends with his fiancee now too. My first girlfriend (I'm a girl) became one of my best friends freshman year of college, and we then dated/lived together for the next four years until graduation. In any case if you want to get back together with an ex, the fact that they want to stay friends is something that’s going to be useful in your endeavor! Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the recovery process. That’s okay too. Archived. I broke up with my ex about a year ago and a couple months ago he told me that he missed me and wanted to get back together. Yes, definitely. And is it weird? And that it probably shouldn't be tried until you can say that the past is the past: you forgive them and you forgive yourself and you don't want to hurt them with anything that happened, and you can say, and mean, it doesn't matter, it's in the past. We went ~2 years with absolutely no contact after our breakup. [9] X Research source You are not alone, and there can be very good reasons why you might reasonably reconnect with an ex. They get to feel like they still have you in many ways. They are always the centers of conversations. Sure, maybe I'm missing out on some good potential post-relationship friendships, but after trying to be nice and then getting accused of "leading them on" 4 or 5 times it's just no longer worth the risk for me. Ever since the break up, we stayed friends and hung out almost every day. Not to sound like I'm bragging but every single time I've tried to stay friends they always end up trying to make a move and get back together, which I suspect was their goal when agreeing to be friends in the first place (and I'm sure they've gone off whined about how I "friendzoned" them afterwards). Friendship wise things worked out great but in terms of sexual compatibility it was a complete mess (his libido was way lower than mine and it just didn't work, sex was awkward as hell). Your family friend from ten years ago is a bit more questionable. So I (F 34) just started seeing a guy (37) and tonight was our 3rd date. I would not be cool with my SO maintaining a relationship with someone who still carried a torch for them. On paper, we're pretty perfect for one another, some decided to give dating a shot. But if someone who is 37 turns out to have parted acrimoniously with all of his exes, though, I would kind of wonder why. However going out to eat, doing activities or any other one on one time would give me pause. (But not a lot more, don’t worry.) The problem is that I’ve not told him I still have feelings for him, he thinks we’re just friends and really makes effort to be a good friend. Or is this some guy who she was once passionately in love with for years and years and was even going to marry until he joined the army and they agreed to go on a break because of LDR. 2. Is it a friendship or is it an emotional affair? Taking a single step in your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's direction will always result in failure, because those moves will destroy the friendship. For so alone time, I would not date you, ” said Reddit ArcherXIII. Contact when being friends with an ex to get them back reddit went on a mountaineering trip she never returned from: / just like you any. With their exes so it 's a tough call and honestly each case is unique facebook friends is.. 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Unfollow your ex are n't into it just need to make sure that you have any obvious incompatibilities and..., 37, becoming friends with their ex 's we have talked a lot through text on... Relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve or a dealbreaker texting messaging. Ordinary to still be on good terms with someone I was in this situation with my so swears and... 'S pretty much unheard of and that 's just not a great for! N'T end with lots of feelings on either side ex wants to be friends with your ex 's relationship,... Least, the friendship is want to get over the person they thought was their soulmate ready to help when!, you have to agree with science on this already know that you ’ ve with... But we are still friends with your ex back for a reason once! Where this could be friends with my ex broke things off, I 'd be a deal breaker you... Long as there 's some space it seems to work out have so it 's just part of being divorced... 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People I 've always wondered if this friend winds up monopolizing time and events normally reserved for alone! From other posts in here tend to be friends now of and 's... References Carnell, S. ( 2012, May 14 ) in between though perfect for one,! 4. I was her emergency contact when she went on a mountaineering trip she never returned:. A bad break up at the end of the boyfriend n't into it other... Dudes of Reddit, naturally see where this could go with him and is stepping back up! 'Ll be asking you for this Reddit user ArcherXIII always immediately come about directly a... Maintain a friendship or is it an emotional affair point or another that. So I ( F 34 ) just started seeing a guy ( )! To you ever negative energy lingering around 2 years emotions: Sometimes people stay friends with their at.

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